Echoes of Our Hearts... Dedicated to My Other half

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our own emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there are love that grows and love that grows cold.We would start to search for answers and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves, where we started for we cannot question love when it has its own reasons.Love will always be as it always has been………..,silent, mysterious and deeply profound.Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we found our hands empty and our hearts longing.We mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled.But love is only a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our hands for we never find the strength to let it go, when it decides to leave.We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it last and then freely open our arms, when its time to say goodbye.We all fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end for it is everything we are, everything that we wanted to be,We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts.But if it doesn’t then we should never let our lives be taken by it, for life should not end where heartaches begin.There always a reason why we have to move on, when we say goodbye to the feelings that we wanted to stay forever.Let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart, for love will have to set its wings free and find a place where it belongs.We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever.Then we’ll know that it has never left us, for the good that we have become, because of love will always stay.It will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy, not because, we lost love, but because for once in our lives, that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy…..

As I watch you exploring your busy world, I could not help but to stare at your face...then flashback exist....

I see myself hurting so much, while you enjoy the moment with your girl... I see many lies and betrayals... I see the rain pouring so hard on me.. I feel cold but you are not here to comfort me... I see the truth--- I see you looking straight into my eyes while saying " Yes, I love her..and that's the reality you have to accept"... I thought the truth will set me free... but why do I feel I'm still trapped?..

...there was silence...

... the flashback did not only make me cry... I bleed instead.

I know, until now you are still keeping her deep in your heart... why can't you see me hurting?.... why cant you look at me the way I look at you?...

why cant you love me the way I love you?

YOU ARE MY HUSBAND- YOU ARE MY LIFE, EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO, AFFECTS MY WHOLE BEING...

... WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT YOU ALREADY GIVE YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE... AND YOU ADMIT IT TO ME WHILE LOOKING STRAIGHT IN TO MY EYES...

... IT DID NOT ONLY HURT ME.... IT KILLED ME

The Dance of Life...

There are two hearts that met in a dance,,that moment was magical...there was a sweet song playing..There was harmony and soon love was in the air...They fell in love and they started building castles in their dreams and promised forever with all certainty..But somehow in the midst of the fun,they got lost in the dance...Something went wrong but they can never do anything..They were just drifting away,their fortress falling apart...There were so many questions but no one had an answer..Then the music stopped and there was silence...

When we truly love someone we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our intention...but sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason..That person must have loved us but he has not loved us enough to make him stand for what he truly felt..Now we are faced with seemingly impossible task of FORGETTINGWe have burdened ourselves long enough but we still can't get out of this emotional trap..Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love,the more painful letting go will become..Sometimes we never have to take that person out of our hearts at all..For he will always be there no matter how hard we try to drive him away...It isn't his presence that makes forgetting difficult .it is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible..We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts there's still that lingering hope for reconciliation..

Somehow we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire in our hearts..thoughts give us hope but it also breeds the seed of loneliness and despair..THE ONLY WAY TO FORGET IS TO ACCEPT AND THE ONLY WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO LOOK FORWARD and let the footprints of the past be blown by the winds of time...Only then our hearts will find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully never get lost again....

Still In The SHADOW

It has been two months since the day I lost my faith and my belief in the promise of eternal love. I hated so much things about me including the way i have loved one person in my life and how he got me blinded to see the reality… the reality that one day he could love another woman aside from me. So much words had been said… yet there are still more left unsaid. Last night, he whispered to me ” Accept it”.. that was one of the hardest thing he asked me to do, how can I accept the reality when everytime I look into his eyes, I see her. How can I easily accept it when you did not promise to end it. How can I accept the reality that she loves you and that you love her too, when you know that there was I..your wife who is hurting.

Someday, I will forget these… the pain, the hurting words from you. And someday I will be stronger enough to accept you and her. It will be hard by now I know but these wont take too long.

Inspite all of these, I am still happy that I love you still….

Sana Lang...

Sa isang iglap lahat nagbago.. parang kulang na lang hatakin ko muli ng sandali pabalik sa panahong una kong naramdaman na mahal kita… sa haba ng panahon na lumipas gusto kong ipakita sayo na minahal kita ng higit sa buhay ko… gusto kong dalhin ka sa panahon kung saan sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ikaw ang lalaking pakamamahalin ko habang buhay… pakinggan mong mabuti dahil minsan ko lng sinabi yon, ngunit hanggang ngayon dala-dala ko pa rin ang mga salitang iyon sa puso ko…

Minsan nangarap ako na maging akin ka na sana… halika! hawakan mo ang kamay ko dadalhin kita sa panahon kung saan mahabang taon akong naghintay para maging akin ka lang… nakikita mo ba kung gaano ako kasaya ng sinabi mong “Will you marry me?”.. nakita mo ba ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata.. naramdaman mo ba and bilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa saya… nakita mo rin ba ang takot? at pagkasabik?… kumapit ka sa akin dadalhin kita sa panahon kung saan,,, nasaktan ako ng… hindi ka tumupad.. napansin mo ba kung paanong unti-unting gumuho ang mundo ko?… pero sa kabila non ipinaglaban kita… pinaglaban ko ang pagmamahal ko.. nakikita mo ba kung paanong ayaw kong bitiwan ang pag-ibig na yon?… kasi iyon lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin…maraming bagay ang nagpapangiti sa akin sa tuwing naaalala kita… halika ka! samahan mo ako, mahal ko… dadalhin kita sa panahon kung saan lagi kong binabalikan ang magagandang alaala natin.. nakikita mo ba ang ngiti sa aking mga labi? napansin mo ba kung panong ayaw kong idilat ang mga mata ko?, nangangamba kasi ako na baka mawala ka… nakakatuwa pero… oo.. lagi akong naghihintay sayo… kahit abutin ako ng madaling araw sa labas ng bahay namin… kahit pinapapasok na ako ng tatay ko…at kahit malakas ang buhos ng ulan.. hindi ko sinusunod yon..kasi ang gusto ko lng makita ka…. nakikita mo ba? kung andon ka ulit sa panahong ‘yon darating ka kaya para makita ko? at yakapin o hahayaan mo akong maghintay?…
…alam mo ba kung gaano ako kasaya ng sa pangalawang pagkakataon niyaya mo ulit ako.. “will you marry again?”… hawakan mo ang kamay ko dadalhin kita sa panahon na ito kung saan mas naging lamang ang pangamba kesa sa saya… pikit mata akong sumagot ng “oo” .. ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko…ngunit may takot… masaya ako… masayang-masaya… Paulit-ulit kong binabalikan ang alaala kung saan.. ikaw ang naging first dance ko… nakikita mo ba? ang saya-saya ko… first time ko kasi yon… para akong nsa langit.. hind ko makalimutan ang init ng mga palad mo habang hawak mo ang mga kamay ko at dahan-dahan tayong nagsasayaw… kahit wala nang musika patuloy pa din tayong nagsasayaw…sabi mo pakinggan lang ang tibok ng puso natin at iyon ang magsisilbing musica… nakita mo ba?

Lahat ng yan.. mga alaala ko na tintago ko sa puso ko… marami pa akong pinapangrap… subukin mong pumasok sa puso ko ngayon… kahit minsan lang… andito ka lagi…. totoo, nagagalit ako sa iyo ngayon… kasi, nasasaktan mo ako… pero ang mga alaalang yon ang nananatili sa puso ko upang mahalin pa kita ng paulit-ulit…
Sana lang…. kaya kong ibalik ang panahon na ‘yon ngayon mismo… sana lang pwede mangyari… dahil kung magkatotoo… doon muna ako sa mga panahon na ‘yon…. dun muna ako magtatago… upang maramdaman ko ulit ang pagmamahal mo….. sana lang….

Kahapon akala ko tapos ng bumuhos ang ulan at makikita ko na ulit ang pagsikat ng araw, hindi pa pala… mas lumakas ang hangin, mas lumakas ang buhos ng ulan.. at pinilit kong dalhin ang pinakamalaking payong ng buhay ko…
Maraming bagay ang nagdudulot ng lungkot sa puso ko ngayon, may lulungkot pa ba sa pag aakalang nabuhay ka sa mundong ikaw lang ngunit ngayon may kahati ka na…. siguro sa ilang makakabasa nito ngayon kapag tinanong ko kung payag sila na may kahati sa puso ng taong minamahal mo malamang sa hindi ang sagot… ako? hindi din, ngunit habang kaya ko pang tumayo sa ngayon at habang may lakas pa akong sugurin ang malakas na hangin at ulan.. gagawin ko…. kahit masakit pag aaralan kong tanggapin iyon….





tomorrow… i will learn to forgive