I should’ve done this in the first place… but i just want to thank you for coming… honestly I wanted to hate you… and mike… no one knows how I felt when I found out accidentally that mike aleady found you through friendster… during that time I was supposed to surprise him but I was the one who got surprised when i saw what he was doing… making a messege to be supposedly sent to someone named “luxmie”… right there and then I knew it was you.
Mike, ever since has been honest to me and I am very happy for that, who wouldnt be? but during those times he did not tell me at once that he already found you.. and im not used to it so i got hurt.. its pretty normal i guess..besides I wasnt ready for that… I asked him why he did that he answered me “because Im afraid that it may hurt you”… I wasnt really that hurt in fact I was happy that he already saw you (via FS) and I understand that his intentions to look for you was only for good… to be friend with you again and that he thought you might be needing his help… in what way?… that I do not know… the only thing that hurts me most was the fact that in some ways something in the past might revived again..yeah, I thought of it…it wasnt paranoia… i guess… maybe because I knew who were you in Mike’s past life… though my knowledge about you is only superficial.
Everything was going smoothly, I trusted Mike.. I am just a little afraid kasi iba si mike… he is a very loving person.. and very caring to anyone specially to his friends…everybody loves him… I sometimes misunderstood him maybe because though we love each other so much.. we are still a different person…with different personality…
Last sunday night when i read ur text for mike, I was perplexed… mike told me last friday that you were planning to meet him… you told him also that you would not want me to know about it… it was not a bright idea.. glad that my husband is trustworthy and that he respects me… I read you messege through Ym for mike ( iniwan nyng bukas ang ym).. and again it’s so funny that once you told this line : luxmieamal: honestly nata2kot dn nman akng mkita kang muli,……. irespeto ntin ang gus2 nya,,,i think we shud learn 2 forget each others arms… though it hurts… I believed that you already move on… like what you said to me (thru texts) but I am also a woman who understands other womans sentiments though in not so exact manner…
Through that words..coming from you… I thought It spells out the truth how you really feel inside for mike… I am maybe wrong or perhaps… correct… sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko bka this girl is still… has that special feeling for my husband… i wanted to empathize with you..trying to put myself on your shoes.. it’ll be hurt.. Remember you told me that I should let go my husband’s past…. it is easy to say for you but the hardest part is how to apply it… you also told me tht i should stop acting like a child.. or you judge me by saying that I am acting immaturely… I accepted that… I hated you for making such little lies… I hated myself kasi by now I still find it hard to understand you… I hate myself because I am doing this letter… you dont have to tell me that you are a proffesional doctor or something… you should also know how to somehow understand my possible reaction sa mga nangyari… if you were in my shoes.. you will know.. And I am sorry if i caused something that hurts your pride or ego… I know lux, you already move on.. 12 years had passed (according to you) but I also understand if Mike will always be a part of you… no one can take that away from you…
I have told mike.. i dont want you to meet that girl… but still the decision is with him… besides ikaw nmn ang unang nag invite.. ndi sya.. honestly, Inisip ko lng… wala nmn dapat pag usapan sa past… according lng nmn sa naku-kwento ni mike sa akin..he told me ndi nmn naging kayo officialy..so i cant see any reason why you have to… pero it seems that you have that little regret inside you.. so go on.. I respect you and mike’s past… inyo yon eh… pero past na nga lang.. nothing more, nothing less.. and I should take to consider that also..
Honestly as i mentioned.. thank you… for being not that too harsh also… and for realizing that you should take a few steps away.. for a while… if you are meant to meet again… then let the destiny find its way for both of you.. and by the time it happens I will be happy for you and for mike… I just want you to know that I understand you really.. It hurts… specially that you dont know how to express your feelings ryt now… I am sorry if I remained as a hindrance to your plans.. I am not perfect.. I am fragile… I am sensitive even to such little things… I easily get hurt… but that’s me…
I have said a lot.. Thanks again…
-janet-
